It’s sad to say I let a lot of things change me. People’s comments about my differences and I let them silence me. It didn’t happen overnight. It took time, as things were repeated. A smarter person would’ve just went where they were respected but through learned behavior I accepted it as my reality.
I don’t have a tribe or a flock of friends I can confide. It’s just me and the words I write. Some are stories, some are feelings from moments I seem to hide in. I know it’s left me with the sense and phrase I always say, “A person will always remember how u made them feel.”
Good or bad, happy or sad. Things u shared but some people’s mind will always hear the bad. For so long I’ve watched my words because I never wanted to make anyone feel the way I felt. At times I still won’t disclose my full truth. It’s out of fear of being left out. Left out for my corny jokes or the way I dress. Or that corny thought I put in the air.
It recently hit me that it’s not people who hurt me the most but myself because I was in control. I choose to try to blend in and it made me stick out even more. So I’m complicit in my own feelings of being tortured even more.
I can’t hide who I am anymore. I’m tired of looking out of an open door. I’ve taken steps to make things right. With some it was great, but most took flight. I have to give credit where it’s due though, and writing is the only thing that’s kept me from falling apart. Penning out rhymes with corny little themes. Creating new worlds where I set the theme.
I don’t know where I’m about to go, but I’m embracing this new feeling and hoping to learn more. U may see me around commenting on your blogs. Reading your stories, poems, and leaving a thought. They are great and most times make me smile. I’m glad I found this place. It’s finally the right time for me to be here and really be here.
Thanks for reading.