Devoid Heart?

I can’t love anymore. I think my heart was broken once too many times. Now I feel a void where love should be. I can imagine how it should be, but I can’t feel it. I see how he looks at me and listen to what he says. His actions are true but inside of my head it’s a lie. A simple distraction to gain my attention, to get me to trust but I can’t stop this wall. I’ve taken my time to build it up and strengthen it. He tries and each time, a little of me dies.

I want to feel it but I can’t believe it’s real. Each time I tried, the love always died. But it was never real. Even from friends it was still a wish of something accepted that should have been rejected. Now as I walk in life, untrusting and lost in the dark of night, I ponder my beliefs and wonder why I couldn’t see? Why did I trust the lie and push away the truth? I didn’t demand or even request any proof. I just felt and trusted and believed. And to my surprise, were dark cold eyes. Eyes that told lies in the face of truth. Eyes that danced with a devil and would never see me through.

How do I trust myself? I’ve brought so much wealth. A wealth of pain into my life it remains. Pain of the truthful past. Pain from my trusting dance. A dance I do alone. And then create a smiling clone.

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