Been a hectic few weeks and I haven’t had enough time to edit and post. I have been cruising through and reading here and there. These holidays have had me tied up between cooking and working and writing ideas and poems but leaves no time to post much. I’m penning this while I have these few moments of downtime at work. Hopefully with the new year I’ll be better at my time management and get to post more regularly.
Meanwhile, I wanted to take a moment to wish u all a very happy and safe New Year’s and hope u all had a good holiday season. I know some people struggle during this time, I’m one of them but there is a rainbow in the distance and nothing stopping it but a thought. If we give nurishment to the positive, we are more likely to get that positive back.
Take care and share the smiles!!! We all need that in a world that most times shares more hate than anyone needs. Smile power always rules!!! Keep it up or keep it to yourself!!! See u around!!!
Relate is something I can’t do very well
Like the time I tried to fit in and boy did I fail
It was a crazy dream I tried to live out
But I fell off a cloud and didn’t take flight
Relate is a word that covers me with fears
As I turn around and covet my tears
Drowning in a world that relates with a few
Because the majority doesn’t try fit in our shoes
We hide in plain sight and don’t blend in right
But we fight for existence and often we take flight
We argue with our minds not to blend in too much
But we must blend in, so we don’t lose all touch
It’s exhausting I admit trying to just be myself
But I can’t very well act like anyone else
Some people are good at the fifty fake out
Some struggle within
Some turn the lights out
We all have our ways that we cope to relate
Like the guy down the street who tries just imitates
Or the girl in the back with the crazy thoughts
That she needs to be covered in heavy makeup
Or the guy who feels he needs a beard to fit in
Like the maze that go through to relate and fit in
But we need to all realize that while some can fit in
That almost all of us are afraid that we don’t relate
That we don’t fit in
~The moments I get 2 bask in ur love. Brief moments of time come 2 mind 2 see me through. Dancing smiles awake as we see life through others eyes. While we hide our love from the existence of our minds. I feel ur touch when u are nowhere in sight. I hear ur voice in my ear telling me 2 do what’s right. I feel ur stare as u dream of being closer to me. And yet this simple love through fantasy will only happen our dreams.
Conspiracy theories are running wild these days. We have a clown in government that’s loud in all the wrong ways. Yelling about everything wrong, but doing nothing to improve that song. Meanwhile the suffering of the young and uninterested go unseen. With wild, dangerous nights, and crazy passionate dreams. We call the attention to ourselves in the world, by speaking out truths in puzzles unfurled. My dreams are alas the worse from my past and they go unseen in a world full of dreams. I can’t breathe in this world with people on my neck. I can’t escape a reality that has always been kept. This life in the end is supposed to be lived. But what exactly are these feelings being hid? I can’t see with the truth of a lie covering my eyes, but the doubt put into words are why many cry. Theories and stories, dreams and lies, truths untold that drown out the cries. Nothing is real and yet nothing is fake yet these dreamy dull moments are what life is made of.
What can i say about sludge…
Self loathing underestimated dull gorging existence of life is just that sludge…it’ll make u all gooey and sticky.
Let’s not life that way.
It’s sad to say I let a lot of things change me. People’s comments about my differences and I let them silence me. It didn’t happen overnight. It took time, as things were repeated. A smarter person would’ve just went where they were respected but through learned behavior I accepted it as my reality.
I don’t have a tribe or a flock of friends I can confide. It’s just me and the words I write. Some are stories, some are feelings from moments I seem to hide in. I know it’s left me with the sense and phrase I always say, “A person will always remember how u made them feel.”
Good or bad, happy or sad. Things u shared but some people’s mind will always hear the bad. For so long I’ve watched my words because I never wanted to make anyone feel the way I felt. At times I still won’t disclose my full truth. It’s out of fear of being left out. Left out for my corny jokes or the way I dress. Or that corny thought I put in the air.
It recently hit me that it’s not people who hurt me the most but myself because I was in control. I choose to try to blend in and it made me stick out even more. So I’m complicit in my own feelings of being tortured even more.
I can’t hide who I am anymore. I’m tired of looking out of an open door. I’ve taken steps to make things right. With some it was great, but most took flight. I have to give credit where it’s due though, and writing is the only thing that’s kept me from falling apart. Penning out rhymes with corny little themes. Creating new worlds where I set the theme.
I don’t know where I’m about to go, but I’m embracing this new feeling and hoping to learn more. U may see me around commenting on your blogs. Reading your stories, poems, and leaving a thought. They are great and most times make me smile. I’m glad I found this place. It’s finally the right time for me to be here and really be here.
Thanks for reading.
The truth is, I was more free when I was naive. I didn’t realize the giggles from behind weren’t laughing at me. I just didn’t care because I was consumed with what I was around. Now looking back at the troubles that were found as I sat in front of the giggles from behind, I was me. A me that was proud and free. Now caged knowing hate from the smallest things and taught how to fear because of the giggles. Afraid of the day as it turns into night but I dance through the world during the first sign of sight. I admit in confusion the illusion of change but I know from the choices I’ve made that these things are in vain. The giggles still happen as the hair on the back of my neck send crackles of truth through my spine. The giggles go down like a crime in the night filled with the wrong things that we face in life. Unafraid of the giggles that life’s created with a dance on my hips, as I twist up my lips, in a dance that my life has created.